A House is A Body, A Body is A House

The concept of home is very complex to me. After living through years of emotional abuse by my mother I moved into the home of my estranged father. His house has never felt like home to me and with the new diagnosis of depression and anxiety I got very lonely. So in an attempt to save myself from myself, I began a new way of thinking - home can be my own body. To me, home is the idea of feeling safe, loved, and supported. So why couldn’t I be that for myself?

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After years of hearing my mother call me horrible names and then gaslight me this new way of thinking was no easy task. I wanted to die, but I also wanted some sort of comfort home provides.

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None of it was easy as I first began to further destroy myself. I walked too close to the edge, I made bad decisions. I let the wrong people touch me because I needed to feel wanted. I made mistakes and looked to the camera for answers. As I began to want to heal from the trauma I started to find the solace i was looking for. I had to build a relationship with my father and relearn what a loving bond should be. I had to learn how to like myself. I had to chip away at the immense sadness.

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This project mixes photographs and old journal entries from the times i was struggling the most. The photos show my environment and the people who have helped me grow. This series is about perseverance. It is about finding love within yourself even when you can’t think of one nice thing to say. It is about not giving up even when things get too difficult. I can now see the strength within myself and this body of a home stands tall.